im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The adults are the big ones right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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