please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
