I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and she was petting her beer can
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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