the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
