I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
