Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
