Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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