I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
