just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds