You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face