saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch