well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything