They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking