and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
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Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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