I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom