It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
