Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize