Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
