You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
