The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
