Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
