Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I need moral support for this bender
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize