I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
