I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
