I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
