i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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