their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
