So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
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Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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