I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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