I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
