Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize