yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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