So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
