Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
