Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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