Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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