i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
