haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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