I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
