seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
