so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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