i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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