I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
