I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
