life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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