I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
