Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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