Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
