i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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