and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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