Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
