I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize