Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
