drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
