they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
