this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
