This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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