I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
