Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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