I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
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Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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