how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
