i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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