I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So vagazzling was a success
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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