make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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