I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
