): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
