I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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