I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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