this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
