you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize